Our blogs on what to expect during the 1st and 3rd trimester of pregnancy are full of information and advice.
In addition to seeing the many physical and psychological changes in your partner, pregnancy gives you time to fully prepare for birth and fatherhood.
There is a lot of useful reading material available on this subject, with many pregnancy books for fathers. Mark Harris's book 'Men, Love & Birth' is excellent and gives you an insight into pregnancy and its impact on women, as does 'Commando Dad' by Neil Sinclair.
During pregnancy, it is important to openly discuss your hopes and fears for pregnancy, birth and parenthood, as these will likely vary greatly.
How to be a Good Birth Partner
As a birth partner you have a crucial supporting role during childbirth. Here's how you can provide that emotional and physical support for your partner:
- Pack your “hospital bag for dad” so she doesn't have to worry about it.
- Make sure you get it birth plan have read and understood from your partner; the research behind it and why those choices are important to her.
- Keep the birth environment as calm and comfortable as possible; is it too cold/hot? Too bright? Too noisy? Can she move and change position?
- Make sure she has enough to eat and drink and make sure you eat and drink well too.
- Remind her to go to the toilet regularly and empty her bladder; This is often overlooked but can prevent problems during labor and afterwards.
- Encourage your partner to adopt upright positions – such as sitting, on all fours, standing, etc. – as these can ease some discomfort and make contractions more effective.
- Provide relief from back pain by massaging her back. Our Amazing Massage Stick is ideal for massage, to relieve pain and discomfort. Check out our blog post for the best ways to massage pregnant women so that it is beneficial for her, you and your baby. A warm wheat bag or hot water bottle can also help relieve back pain.
- Encourage her to use all methods of non-medical pain relief, including plenty of emotional support from you, before she asks for stronger, pharmacological options. However, listen to her when she asks for something stronger.
- Discourage her from lying on her back, as this can decrease the frequency of contractions, increase her discomfort, and prevent the baby from moving through the birth canal in an optimal manner.
- Instead encourage her to lie on her side (preferably the left side) to rest. A pillow or "peanut ball" between her knees will help keep the pelvis open and provide more comfort.
- Use a calm, quiet and gentle voice and limit unnecessary conversations.
- Provide physical support, if necessary. This might mean leaning on you, rocking back and forth during contractions, massaging her lower back, hugging or holding her while she squats.
- Encourage her to keep going, no matter how tired you or she gets. Tell her she has it can do, offer her sips of energy drinks, cold wipes on her face & neck and lots of cuddles. There is always a point during labor when women think they can't cope anymore – this is normal.
- If you find it difficult to see your partner in pain, try not to panic or stress. Stay calm, call a supportive friend/family member, take 5 minutes and go for a walk (if supported by someone else), do some deep breathing. Your partner will be deep in 'childbirth land' and will need all the encouragement and support. It's hard to see them in pain and it's also part of labor and birth. Prepare yourself in advance by watching birth videos and documentaries.
- If things don't go according to plan, explain this to her clearly and gently and tell her what is recommended, but avoid the temptation to make the decision for her.
- Make sure you take regular breaks.
How do you prepare for childbirth?
There are many ways you can prepare for your partner's delivery and the birth of your baby. Take good, midwife-led antenatal classes together, read books, help write her birth plan and discuss everything about labor and birth during pregnancy. When the birth takes place, knowledge and preparation will help you stay calm and relaxed. If your partner behaves in a way that surprises you, it is important that she does not notice or realize it. Encouragement and gentle support during this time works wonders.
You don't have to sympathize with her labor pain – just supporting her through it is enough. Also, don't feel bad or guilty if your partner is coping just fine, especially during the early stages of labor. If she is okay, use that time to rest or sleep. She needs you rested, strong, reassuring and supportive as her contractions intensify and as she actively begins labor.
With that in mind, try not to tell your partner (or your midwife) that 'she's tired' or 'she can't do this anymore'. Believe in her and she will believe in herself.
Childbirth is physically and mentally exhausting, so negative thoughts only make it more difficult. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. So be patient encouraging and stay positive. It can be difficult to watch your partner in pain, and if you find yourself struggling to cope, remember that your partner is doing what her body asks of her (moaning and groaning included). Giving birth to a baby is a very primitive and instinctive experience and something her body is designed to do. Put your worries and fears aside and tell her how amazing, incredible and strong she is, and always put her and her feelings above everything else.
Having a coping strategy in place can be invaluable for you and, in turn, for your partner, especially during an exhausting or difficult birth. This may look like deep breathing, hypnobirthing, music, shaking your body, going outside for some fresh air (as long as she is calm and supported), or calling a trusted friend or family member for a quick chat.
How to support your partner during childbirth
Once in the delivery room, the atmosphere can change and you may find it more difficult to question situations about which you are unsure or unhappy. You are your partner's advocate, so make sure your midwife understands your partner's birth plan and any wishes you may have before the birth. There may be times when your obstetrician or gynecologist will discuss possible interventions they consider necessary – for example the hormone injection. This can overwhelm you with responsibility and doubt.
Love,
Midwives Dronten
Address: De Barrage 97, 8252 HR Dronten
Telephone: 06 53 65 91 91
